Friday, 23 April 2010

Mr Yes

I thought I would tell you about my most recent man....

You know when your obsessed with think they are wonderful, amazing, funny, handsome....perfect, even (I cant believe i am even saying that word!). You are about to give away that Solo bird badge and switch if for a love bird badge. When you realise...he is not giving you everything you need. Heavens I am sounding really high maintenance...I am not (as I was told by my ex boyfriend last night....but that is another story). When I say that he wasn't giving me everything I needed I mean that there were things that seriously annoyed me. Correct me if I am being a loony bird but this is what upset me about him...

Have you ever been with one of those men, who are a yes man? You ask him- "do you want me to cook you dinner tonight?"

Him- "Yes, thanks that would be great"

You- "Ok, 8pm?"

Him- "Yes, I can't wait. I will bring the wine"

Then at 8.20 your standing there....the delicious smell of cottage pie is seeping into your kitchen and you reach for your phone... "Where are you? Dinner is ready.x", you text. Twenty minutes later, you still haven't got a reply. It is 8.40 he is 40 minutes late! You are now sweating profusely from the heat in your kitchen and your perfectly blow dried hair is now sticking slightly to your forehead. You reach for your phone and dial his number.

You- "Hi"

Him- "Oh hey, I was going to ring you"

You- "Where are you?"

Him- "Oh sorry darling. Patrick came over and I said I would have a few beers with him down at the pub."

You- "I cooked you dinner"

Him- "Oh sorry babe. I didnt realise."

You- "I told you earlier. I can't believe you didn't tell me. This is so like...."

Suddenly you realise that the whole kitchen is flooded with smoke and your beautiful cottage pie is burnt to a crisp. You shriek. Turn off the oven. He has just been sitting there distracted by his "mate" and the "tv" or on his way to the pub.

Him- "Anyway darling, I have to go but I will come over later, Ok? Miss you."

He sneaks in that miss you so that you think about him, so that you do not go and cut off his head for making you waste two hours of your day getting ready for him, washing your hair, shaving your legs, cooking a f****** pie! Just for him to cancel on you and make you too annoyed/late/embarrassed to even be able to see your own friends.

Anyway my guy was one of those, lets call him Mr Yes. To make the story worse Mr Yes always ended up keeping his word, he would turn up utterly inebriated at about 3am swaying on my door step, stinking of alcohol and saying "I love you. i love you " over and over again. If any of you think he is sweet or think I am being too harsh. I ask you how would you feel if every time you made a plan with Mr Yes, he always had to change it. I don't know one girl who could actually be and stay happy with such a man. And I am not going to lie I was in love with him....he meant everything to me. However many times he stood me up. But I was still Solo and still proud of it.

Who Wants A Cave Man? Type 1 of the dysfunctional male

When you think you know someone but suddenly they appear so different from what you believed them to be does that you mean you never knew them, that they have changed, that they have changed their opinions on you or that they are just schizophrenic ?!!!!! I do not understand how someone can come across in one way for an extended period of intensive time yet suddenly switch entirely and the sweet, exciting, funny, accommodating, slightly vunerable image that they had before is replaced by a slightly aggressive, moody, scary being who could make you cry. Is it because of an inner battle or just incredible acting. And is this new person the act or is the past the act. I really feel that in a situation such as this it is better to cut your losses and leave. Yet what about all the things you have invested....your time, your energy, your kindness, your belief that this person is actually kind and interesting and different. Is it worth it to leave and never come back if you don't know whether this new person is permanent or just an imprint of energy picked up from elsewhere and disguising the person you once new.

When someone appears interesting, insightful, empathetic and sweet yet you know they have a history of violent manipulation of a girls mind and soul should you ever trust them in the first place? Even though they say they act differently towards you? The answer to this cannot be no, as this would mean that people can never change and I know as a fact that this is not true. However if whilst they are with you they are behaving with manipulative tendencies towards other woman, though not to yourself your guard should definitely go up. As who the hell would want to be with someone who treats a woman in such a disgusting way anyway? Then again if someone is such a beast to other girls does that mean you should try and help them change their ways or should you just desert them and leave them to learn a very tough lesson. however if you do this perhaps other girls will be damaged by such an animal and then it could possibly be your fault. Yet then they act sweet and go up and down like a bouncy ball....animal...evolved...animal...evolved.

The biggest warning sign should be if someone compares themselves to a hunter gatherer as if they are comparing themselves to such basic, animalistic, unevolved creatures and they find this a way of justifying their own behaviour and making this behaviour appear normal then they are not evolved and if they are not evolved they have not got the advanced human qualities that you need, as an evolved human yourself. Who wants to be with a cave man?

How do people become Solo Birds?

There are many myths as to how the 'Solo Bird' came about.... Some say it was due to the feminist movement, others say it was due to a woman's heart being broken just one too many times and others say it is some genetic dysfunction. Yet after years of studying 'solo birds' I have come to realise....the men are just not good enough! That is it, that is the answer. When a man appears perfect yet every time you think about him you do not feel entirely feel a little uneasy....then he is not right. He is not your man. As when you have found your perfect lovebird you won't feel uneasy. You will feel 100% calm around him and you will want to spend hours thinking about how amazing he is and telling your friends (if they can stand to listen). I have been a Solo Bird for many many years. I have dated/gone out with/given attention to more men then I can count however NEVER did I become a Love Bird. Do you know why? Because the men were not good enough. I have created this blog to tell all you beautiful, funny, wonderful woman about all the bird cracking tricks I have come across and why I will never become a Lovebird until I find the RIGHT man. This is not a blog written by a woman to boast of her perfect love life. This is a blog written by a woman who knows how messy the nest can get and wants to support her fellow solos and laugh at the ridiculous games the males can play.

The Solo Bird

Are you (or any of your friends) a 'solo bird'? It doesn't matter if you have the most ideal boyfriend and he is madly in love with you and perfect. You still will find flaws in him..."he is too flabby", "he snorts when he laughs", "he doesn't hold his fork properly"... Being a 'solo bird' does not meant that you are necessarily picky, a 'solo bird' when asked may state no flaws about her lover. Yet she has a niggling feeling and when asked by friends wanting to hear beautiful 'lovebird' stories about how much she is in love, she is always slightly hesitant....slightly withdrawn and though the 'solo bird' knows that this man is amazing and wonderful and loving and kind she cannot give herself entirely away. Though she is part Lovebird, the Solobird still lives on.